Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: perspective (Page 2 of 3)

Frustrated and Overwhelmed? Claim the Power of Perspective

October 2, 2021 / / 0 Comments

You probably heard it as a kid and rolled your eyes.

As you listlessly pushed your broccoli around your plate, one of your parents said, “You should be grateful. A starving child in (fill in the blank country) would be thrilled to eat that.” Your response of “Well, give it to them then,” probably didn’t help your case.

Obviously, what your well-meaning parent was attempting to teach you was perspective. But did the lesson stick?

I recently went through a busy season and found myself getting cranky. I was frustrated by a number of “important” tasks I needed to deal with. None of them were overwhelming alone, but collectively they were weighing me down.

Then my dad called to tell me he needed heart surgery. The procedure was supposedly low risk, but at age eighty with three previous heart surgeries, it was still spooky. I flew to Michigan to be with him and my mom.

During the trip, I learned that someone I knew had just died of COVID-19. He was forty-one. Left in the devastating wake of this tragedy are his wife and two young children.

In the long hours of waiting during the surgery, I reflected on what my dad’s potential death would mean for my mom, my sisters, my aunts, me. I couldn’t fathom it. It would deeply change all of our lives. I thought of the man who had just died and couldn’t even imagine the ongoing destruction that event will have on his family.

Then we heard the news. The surgery went wonderfully. My dad was fine. I hugged my mom, whispered a prayer of thanks and breathed a huge sigh of relief.

On my flight home, it occurred to me that I had completely forgotten about those “important” tasks that had been frustrating me before I left. When compared with my dad’s surgery and the other man’s death, they seemed rightly insignificant. I had regained a truer, healthier perspective.

So when you find yourself feeling frustrated and overwhelmed, pause. Take a deep breath. Think of the things others whom you know, and those you don’t, are dealing with. Send them a positive thought, a prayer, an encouraging note, some money, an offer to help. Be grateful for all the burdens you don’t have to carry. If you do, you’ll find a fresh perspective, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

When You Can’t Change Your Situation, Change Yourself

June 26, 2021 / / 0 Comments

When we are no longer able to change a situation . . . we are challenged to change ourselves.

Viktor Frankl, Auschwitz prison camp surviver, psychiatrist and author (1905-1997)

Sometimes it’s not the words, but the person who says them.

The above quote is compelling on its own but takes on a much deeper level of meaning when we know the story behind it. As an inmate at Auschwitz during the Holocaust, Viktor Frankl was subjected to horrors most of us can’t even imagine. Yet as he reflected on that experience, Frankl found hope and valuable insight into the human condition:

“The experiences of camp life show that humanity does have a choice of action. There were enough examples, often of a heroic nature, which proved that apathy could be overcome, irritability suppressed. Humanity can preserve a vestige of spiritual freedom, of independence of mind, even in such terrible conditions of psychic and physical stress.

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the people who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a person but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. . . .”

In later years, Frankl came to mentor Edith Eger, a fellow Auschwitz survivor. Edith was sixteen when her parents were killed on their first day at the concentration camp. Frankl’s work was a catalyst for her becoming a therapist and aided in her own healing. She wrote honestly about her personal journey:

“The choice to accept myself as I am: human, imperfect. And the choice to be responsible for my own happiness. To forgive my flaws and reclaim my innocence. To stop asking why I deserved to survive. To function as well as I can, to commit myself to serve others, to do everything in my power to honor my parents, to see to it that they did not die in vain. To do my best, in my limited capacity, so future generations don’t experience what I did. To be useful, to be used up, to survive and to thrive so I can use every moment to make the world a better place. And to finally, finally stop running from the past. To do everything possible to redeem it, and then let it go. I can make the choice that all of us can make. I can’t ever change the past. But there is a life I can save: It is mine. The one I am living right now, this precious moment. . . .

And to the vast campus of death that consumed my parents and so very many others, to the classroom of horror that still had something sacred to teach me about how to live—that I was victimized but I’m not a victim, that I was hurt but not broken, that the soul never dies, that meaning and purpose can come from deep in the heart of what hurts us the most—I utter my final words. Goodbye, I say. And, Thank you. Thank you for life, and for the ability to finally accept the life that is.”

I can add very little to such powerful words. I simply encourage you to sit with them, let them speak to you, and embrace their truth in your own way. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was based on Richard Rohr’s Daily Mediations from The Center for Action and Contemplation, May 19 & 20, 2021 www.cac.org

Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning (Beacon Press: 1959, 2006), 65-57, 112.

Edith Eva Eger, The Choice: Embrace the Possible (Scribner: 2017), 155, 156, 232, 233.

Mystery Castle: Turn Your Annoyance into Passion

May 15, 2021 / / 0 Comments

In the rugged desert outside of Phoenix Arizona stands a castle.

This unusual structure was built by an unusual man. In the early 1920s, Boyce Gully was diagnosed with tuberculosis and given two months to live. He chose to face his impending death by running away. Without telling his wife and daughter of his diagnosis or his departure, Boyce left Seattle and moved to a desolate plot of land outside the then fledgling town of Phoenix.

Current day view of downtown Phoenix from Mystery Castle

Possibly aided by the desert climate, Boyce did not die in two months. Realizing he was feeling better, he decided to spend whatever time he had remaining building a fairy tale castle for the young daughter he’d left behind. Over the next twenty-odd years, Boyce scavenged rail yards and construction sites, hotel auctions and trash heaps, and used the random collection of materials to build his castle. Skylights made from old glass bakeware supplemented the natural light brought in from circular windows made from repurposed car tire rims.

In 1945, Bryce’s wife and daughter, Mary Lou, still living in Seattle, received surprising news from the man’s lawyer. Bryce had just died and left them a castle. The astonished women made the trip to Phoenix to see the property. The lawyer showed them one particularly unusual spot – a locked trap door in the floor of one of the rooms. Another surprise followed – Bryce’s will stipulated that his wife and daughter must live in the castle for two years before his lawyer would be allowed to use the only key to open the strange locker.

Showing strong wills and adventurous spirits, the women agreed. Over the two years, they fell in love with their desert retreat. On the day set for the opening of the mysterious compartment, Life magazine showed up to cover the event. When the lid was pulled back, the women discovered cash, gold, Bryce’s journals, and letters to them explaining what he’d done and why. The story about the “Mystery Castle” made the cover of Life in January 1948.

Soon after, strangers, intrigued by the story, began showing up on the property. Tired of continually running off the curious crowds, Bryce’s widow and Mary Lou tried to stem the tide by sticking a sign out front requiring a paid admission. Undeterred, people opened their wallets and asked to see the place. The women started providing regular paid tours and found that they actually loved showing off their Mystery Castle. Mary Lou gave tours until her death in 2010, and a foundation she established continues the tradition to this day.

As I wandered Mystery Castle on a recent tour, I was struck not just by the odd story and the unique architecture, but by the tenacity and cleverness of these amazing women. Not only were they willing to embrace a radical life change brought about by a man who’d abandoned them, but they took a severe nuisance – the uninvited crowds – and turned it into a positive. In doing so, they not only created an unexpected income stream but discovered an unexpected passion – sharing their fascinating home and story with others.

I drove away challenged by their resourcefulness. How can I take annoyances in my own life and flip them on their head? Turn them into a positive? What might I discover about myself if I do? The loud music from the outdoor bar down the street can be an opportunity to dance in our living room. The grit-my-teeth chore of cleaning our condo can be made almost enjoyable when doing it while listening to a favorite audio book. Stuck-in-traffic moments can be a chance for my wife and I to plan our next travel adventure.

How about you? What annoyances do you have in your life? Can you think of ways to flip them to a positive? Get creative. Think outside the box. Choose a different mindset. If you do, you might be surprised at what you discover, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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